


Teddy Bear

by niamosaur



Series: nightingales on paper [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 17:11:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niamosaur/pseuds/niamosaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall brings Liam's teddy bear to the cemetery . . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teddy Bear

It was early in the morning, but already Niall felt miserable. His chest was tight, and his insides were heavy. It's been a full year since the devastating accident.

For three hundred and sixty-five days, he had tried to evade the loss, tried to ignore it the best he can. He'd do chores, go to work, eat, sleep and do a whole lot of stuff and pretend as if nothing happened. But the change was there, hanging ominously in the air wherever he went. It wasn't the same. His angel wasn't there anymore.

No one was there anymore to make him laugh or to make him the most amazing french toast ever. There was no one whom he could yell at for eating the last piece of Nando's, or who would comment how awful his cooking was, or who would be so annoying and so caring at the same time it would drive Niall insane.

And now it's time to face the fact for real.

Niall had never been to the cemetery for the past year. He was afraid the grief would get to him and he would collapse on his knees. But he knew he could never evade the pain forever. This was something he had to do.

Tiny dew drops formed on the soft green grass, glinting against the golden sunlight. Tombstones dotted against the vast green field. The grassy smell of morning scented the atmosphere, and the birds chirped about happily.

Niall clutched the caramel-brown teddy bear tighter as he walked. It was a gift from Liam three years ago, on prom night. He had told him to always keep it safe because it dated way back from his childhood. When Niall asked why he was giving him such a valuable possession, he simply smiled.

And Niall did keep it safe. He had kept it in the closet, always checked on it every night to make sure it was still there. This was actually the first time he took it out. He didn't exactly know why he had brought it, it just felt right.

Finally, he reached the tombstone. Every inch of him felt like lead, and he was struggling to keep his breathing steady. He let himself fall to the grassy ground, feet tucked underneath him as he placed the teddy bear on his lap. He carefully laid the flowers in front of the slab of stone.

"I know you're not the greatest fan of flowers, but I brought some anyway," he chuckled weakly. Tears were already stinging his eyes, but he didn't let them fall. He let out a shaky breath instead, and forced a small smile. "So, hey, Li."

There was a moment of silence. It felt as if every word weighed a ton. It was so hard, but Niall knew he had to do this. "You know, I've missed you waking me up at dawn to watch the sunrise. I kow I've always complained for waking me up so damn early, but secretly, I liked it. And your french toast. I was always a tad bit jealous at how you can make food so yummy and delicious. I missed you sending me texts every thirty minutes when I'm not with you to check if I'm okay. Back then, I thought that was really annoying, but now, I'd be willing to give away my two legs to receive even just one text from you. I miss all the fun we had together. I miss you."

He remembered something as he caught a glance of a sycamore tree nearby, and a fond smile appeared on his lips.

"Hey, 'member that tree we used to climb when we were kids? That's where I first met you, wasn't it? I was playing hide and seek with my cousins Harry and Louis then, but I didn't know where to hide. And then you called me from above the tree, and that's where it all started.

"Every afternoon we would sneak out and meet there, talking about how our day had been, about our dreams even. And of course we knew nothing about the future because we were just eight then, but we did know we'll survive s'long as we have each other."

The second the words spilled from his mouth, a particular memory came to his mind. A promise, and his smile faded.

"Remember that pinky promise we had? 'Never ever will we ever leave each other'. I believed that, you know. I always thought we'd be there for each other, one way or another. I never considered something would happen. I never thought you'd leave."

Niall paused for a while, succumbing to the bitter reality he was set upon.

"Why did you have to leave so early, Li? You didn't even give me a chance to . . . to --God, I was so stupid," he said miserably, "I should've just told you right in the face. It's just that . . . I was so scared, Li. I was scared of you leaving me if I ever told you. So I didn't. I thought that if I kept I kept it all in, you wouldn't leave me. But you did, anyway."

Niall paused again, afraid that if he utters one more word the tears would fall again. He looked at the trees in the horizon and took a deep breath, mustering whatever courage he had left. There wasn't really any risk now, his best friend already left him. So what's the point of hiding it?

"I love you," and that was the last strand of strength he had. The tears fell. Niall clutched the teddy bear as if it would save him from the pain, and his grip was so tight he felt something crinkle inside of it. He gripped it tighter, wondering if he had in fact felt it, and it was there. Something flat and crisp was inside, accompanied by something hard, almost roundish.

Still crying silently, he tilted the stuffed bear so that it faced the ground, and he saw a small stitched line along its furry back. It was about the size of his thumb. He knew that he had never actually held the bear before, so he should not be surprised he had never seen this, but he still was anyway.

Niall meekly pressed his hands against it, and again he felt something inside. He ripped the poorly-stitched hole open, shoving two fingers in to investigate. He grazed over something that crinkled under his touch, and he pinned them in between his fingers. Slowly, he took it out, along with bits of cotton from the bear, and opened it.

His eyes were blurry from the tears, but Niall would know the neat penmanship from anywhere. He scanned over the words.

"Dear Niall,

Hi!

I don't really know how I'm gonna start. Crazy thing is that I dont even know if you're ever gonna read this or if you'd even care. But it's okay. I just can't tell you in person. Every time I finally have the guts to do so, you smile right at me and my courage goes right down the drain.

I'm afraid if I tell you, you'd run away from me. I don't want that. I want you to be with me my entire life.

It's been --what-- ten years since we first met? Could you believe that? A whole decade of you and me against the world.

Remember when we were kids? When we used to play in the rain and you'd bounce up and down the puddles? I always called you a leprechaun because you were a bit shorter than me and you're Irish. You'd call me a meanie and then splash some water to my direction.

And every Halloween we would always bring flashlights while wearing superhero costumes to "ward off evil spirits", as you would say. I still have my batman costumes, you know?

But Christmas was always the best! Our family would join on a wonderful feast, then later on we would build a fort with pillows and blankets so that Santa would have a place to rest in. In the morning we would be so excited with our gifts that we actually knocked over the Christmas tree. Remember that?

I just want you to know that you're the best friend one could ever have, and that you mean the world to me. You have no idea how much it means to me when you smile at me, or how you're laugh would make my day a whole lot brighter, or how you would steal my food and grin at me. It made me felt special.

It's because I love you, in a non-platonic way. I don't know how long or since when, it just sort of came. I just hope that when you finally read this you won't get mad at me or distance yourself from me. Please don't. I don't know how I'll live with that. I'm sorry if I did some things that pissed you off or hurt you, and I am so sorry if falling in love with you is wrong.

But the important thing is that you finally know (if you ever read this). And the ring inside Woody (that's the bear's name, don't judge me) is yours. It was a ring given to me by my grandma. She told me to give it to my special someone. And it just so happens to be you.

Please keep it. Maybe you won't love me back, but I just want you to remember that I'll always love you no matter what.

Love, 

Liam

 

Ps. I love you. "

A couple of tears fell on the letter, and Niall was quick to realize it was his. He refolded the letter and placed it on the grass beside him. He didn't bother wiping his tears.

He once again pushed his shaky fingers in the hole, and he took out the steely cold ring.

It would look like a simple, gold band at first glance, but in closer inspection, the words "Forever after" were engraved on the inside in a fancy font.

Niall's tears continued to fall as he slipped the ring on his ring finger. Storms may come and pain may sever his broken heart, but he swore to himself that he would never take that ring off ever again.

In a broken whisper, he said, "I love you, too."


End file.
